used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
