I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize