yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
