My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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