the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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