woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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