let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Still dying that you shit outside
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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