Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
