Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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