Already got asked if we're dating
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
