I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Found your dick twin last night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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