Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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