I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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