What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
