my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
