So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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