Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dick very happy bro
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
