So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
