how can u be prego again
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
