conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can't turn off my feet"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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