last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the night ended with taco bell and tears
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
