I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
