If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
