Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
