he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
