very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
