Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
