I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
