i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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