your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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