We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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