If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
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I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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