thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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