what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
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It's official drugs can't kill me
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
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I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Shame - the story of my life.
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