Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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