I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
