and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
