Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
