Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
