he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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