as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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