we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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