i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We're too hungover to prance.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
