bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
