he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
