My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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