I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
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I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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