I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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