so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
