Umm I'm too high to move.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
it glows. i had to have it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
