Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize