Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I need a burrito and a hug.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
