god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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