How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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