she looked like the bat from fern gully.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The feeling are messing with the penis
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
