the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
