yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
