she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
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