I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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