grandma shit on top of the toilet
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
