There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I intend to get homeless drunk
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
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just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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