once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
