I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
so much tequila, so little girl.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
