Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
