I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
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I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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