Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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