When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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