1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
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Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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