Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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